[betsy-w]

I have always been outright about having CF, for better or worse, as young as grade school. My entire graduating class knew, and I’m not sure the impact that them knowing had on the dating pool but I also did not date until almost the end of my senior year of high school because of medical reasons anyway.  Overall I have not had many partners but the ones I’ve had all knew I had CF

When I started dating again on apps and meeting dates through others I had a “date 2” rule – vetting the date as a person past date 1 and then on date 2 starting the CF talk so they knew and it was not a bombshell secret months later or if I ended up in the hospital. Some people knew a little about CF, some never heard of it at all. One person asked a lot of questions and seemed like a good person, but by month 2 of dating decided to tell me at the end of a date that he couldn’t see us going anywhere serious together if I, quote “was just going to die on him” which was gross. Bullet dodged

After that nightmare date I tried one more round of meeting someone online, and decided if it also was bad I was going to take an extended dating break. Instead I met my current partner and we’ve been together almost 4 years

I told him about CF on date 2, and he saw the CF tattoo I have on my arm and asked questions about it and has not stopped asking questions or trying to understand or hear how it’s impacted my life before I met him. He wore my Vest and did an entire round of therapy in it, he’s encouraging of and open to me talking about therapy I’ve been undertaking to heal from a lot of trauma from CF. He’s taken me to the ER twice, he’s seen me sick and seen me CF Sick. We bought a house together and have been living together for a year now, and he has been truly the most loving and understanding partner while we’ve had to navigate changes with CFRD and other endocrine issues from CF that have really beaten me off of an amazing streak of health since the modulators changed a lot for me almost 5 years ago

We’re still figuring a lot out on a daily basis with current health ups and downs. And navigating normal relationship things like communication and chores and holiday sharing with families. When I asked him if he still wanted to have the future we talked about together, even with the health issues and uncertainty on where all of this will end up or for how long it’ll be scary until we can treat things better, he didn’t hesitate when he said always; he knew I had CF going into all of this, nothing about any of the changes is changing his mind on anything about us or our future or scaring him away

I’m genuinely so lucky to have him in my life. He is my best friend and I love him more than I could ever express in any form of writing or art, and I’ve tried in poems for him

There are always all kinds people who will be understanding, loving and all in  through good days and bad days and normal days through a lifetime – it’s so hard and discouraging and can be terrifying to bring up CF to someone romantically, but it’s important to try if you do want to date. Not letting my health be something that stopped me from looking for my person (even when I was anxious every single time I had to start the CF talk) was the best choice I made for myself. Find someone who isn’t afraid to learn, will not put you in a box, or let you put yourself in a box – you’re always more than your CF and the good ones will see that. Let them show you that they see you, not just the CF you