• Pre-CF diagnosis, I always believed that I alone controlled my destiny. Fate was just the consequence of my choices. This belief allowed me to function in high stress envronments and, for the most part, it held true. I also believed that a nuclear bomb could go off and I would emerge, shiney and new, from the dust cloud. Alive and well. Ironically, this notion was brutally proven to be untrue (to my great surprise) in Kharoum Sudan (of all places). 1 mile from the longest river in Africa…

    The inability to control my world caused me to lose control of myself. I spent several months in Ward 52 at Walter Reed Medical because CF took all control of my world and smashed my illusions. I lost emotional control and I was devestated. It was an epic nightmare.

    With help from an emotional coach and Xanex, I was able to reconcile my world one piece at a time. Ultimately, I was able to move forward with a new paradigm.

    I have lived since with a simple mantra to do my best and rest in the result. Sometimes the result is a victory whereby I not only rest but revel. Often it is a loss whereby I mope a little and make those around me feel a little uncomfortable. With either case, I try not to linger too long in that moment. But I do allow myself to linger. Then I get back to doing my best.

    It seems like such a simple thing. But it took the long arm of CF to bring me to this truth.

    • Timothy, thank you. Thank you so much for this. I have so many more questions about your mysterious life (Sudan?) and look forward to knowing you more. For now, I am truly savoring your sentance: “I have lived since with a simple mantra to do my best and rest in the result.”

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