Breathe and Believe – a Column by Kate Delany

Though family systems theory isn’t new, it’s new to me. I recently discovered the writings of psychologist Harriet Lerner, and her ideas — family systems theory filtered through a feminist lens — have in many ways been a godsend. They’ve helped me think through my first family’s relationship…

It’s that time of year again — time for the regular reminders that “’tis better to give than to receive.” In a great many ways, I agree with this. There aren’t many material things I need, and nothing beats treasure hunting for items that will put a smile on a…

Growing up, an often repeated adage in my family was “don’t have any expectations.” This was often reinforced during or after a health crisis related to cystic fibrosis (CF), in which some people in my family’s extended social network didn’t show up in the ways we’d hoped they would.

Recently, I found myself unintentionally listening in on a phone conversation between two family members. They were talking about a sudden death, an emotional subject. But the tone of their conversation was rigid, with information relayed in brisk staccato. They were talking, but I wondered, were they connecting? Did this…

At a recent appointment, a doctor told me something I’ve heard many times before: “You know what you should really consider? Genetic testing!” He was scanning my chart, reading some of the details aloud, such as my father’s diagnosis at age 50 with stage 4 colon cancer. Also in…

(Spoiler alert: It’s yours.) A writer friend of mine regularly reminds her memoir students: “If you drive your friend to get an abortion, that’s your story, the story of you driving your friend to get an abortion.” The point of this reminder is that even when you’re not in the…

Shortly after my younger sister’s double-lung transplant, I’d watch my mom flip through family photo albums with my kids and think, how could she stand to do that? How could she stand looking at photos of what I’d begun thinking of as “the before time” — before cystic…

I guess I would say I am a problem solver by nature. When it comes to my loved ones, I am more so. I am protective, perhaps overly so! When I hear loved ones complain about a problem in their lives, a little voice inside my head says, “You need…

Growing up, my older sister and I were tasked with calling relatives when our younger sister was hospitalized due to a cystic fibrosis exacerbation. We relayed the news while my mother hurried around, packing bags and getting ready for the inpatient stay. I assume it was helpful — one less…

I recently got together with a group of friends, and in the middle of our conversation, one confided that she was excited to start therapy soon. Everyone joined in the excitement and congratulated her. Those also in counseling, which turned out to be most of the group, discussed their thoughts…