Columns

Every morning, my grandfather used to run for the train he’d take to work. His job was in the boiler room of the American Museum of Natural History and adjacent Hayden Planetarium, making sure temperatures within the exhibits were perfect. Not bad for a guy with…

When I was pregnant, we learned that our unborn baby likely had cystic fibrosis (CF). I immediately fell into a deep depression. I didn’t talk to friends and family. I felt like no one could possibly understand what I was going through. I became agoraphobic, only leaving my house…

Due to cystic fibrosis, I’ve been steadfastly focused on my health my entire life. There hasn’t been a time when I wasn’t thinking about my health. As such, I’m constantly assessing how my surroundings will affect my health, conducting continuous health maintenance, and ensuring all of the elements of…

I don’t find routine to be rewarding. At most, it’s a threat. It’s something predictable that my brain and housemates expect me to do, and if I don’t, we’re all disappointed. Routine wants me to be structured and consistent, but my brain has different plans. For the most…

Fear often triggers one’s fight-or flight instincts. Depending on the circumstances, when it happens to me, I’ll either persevere through an unwanted situation or become paralyzed by fear. When I become frozen, I don’t want to do anything, and I let the fear caused by the situation just flush…

The rain comes down hard. From my bed I can hear the wind stirring up leaves with its warm air and white noise. Even though it’s morning, it’s not bright. The Omnipod on my arm, my insulin delivery system, beeps its loud and obnoxious tone, letting me know it…

To become a National Baseball Hall of Fame member, you only have to be successful roughly 25–30% of the time you’re in the batter’s box. Using the word “only” may seem like I’m slagging on people like Willie Mays, who had a batting average of .301;…

As the clock strikes 10 p.m., my daughter Claire’s used nebulizer cups are sitting by the sink, ready for their nightly sterilization routine. All I want to do after a long day of working and taking care of two small children is go to bed, but as a cystic…

Though family systems theory isn’t new, it’s new to me. I recently discovered the writings of psychologist Harriet Lerner, and her ideas — family systems theory filtered through a feminist lens — have in many ways been a godsend. They’ve helped me think through my first family’s relationship…

Birthdays aren’t just another day for me — they’re a reminder that I’m still alive. Last month, I turned 36. I’ve lived my entire life thinking I would die young. Growing older with cystic fibrosis (CF), living with minimal inhibition, and dreaming about the future all feel like…