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I became aware of the word schadenfreude during my first viewing of “Avenue Q” on Broadway. In the show, two characters discussed how one person’s pain could make another feel happy. As a person who’s often in pain, the concept startled me. The lyrics went on, “Making me feel…

Healing isn’t linear. The therapist in me wants to dive into the deep end, get my hands dirty, and gut out all the wounds that have compounded over my 35 years of life. The traumas I’ve experienced due to cystic fibrosis and a double-lung transplant have left monstrous divots…

“Phone rings./ Door chimes./ In comes company.” — from “Company,” from the musical of the same name There was a time I wasn’t a fan of hospital visitors. Living with cystic fibrosis (CF), I needed hours of maintenance to appear clean and put together. I’d spend an hour in…

At my pediatric pulmonologist’s office, an anatomical diagram of lungs in the silhouette of a child, complete with labeled cross-sections of bronchi and cilia, hung on the back of each clinic room’s door alongside ads for different brands of inhalers. Above the speckled gray tables, children’s art hung on the…

Make-A-Wish is an organization that offers gift experiences to very sick children younger than 19. If a child has a dream, like becoming a superhero, Make-A-Wish will make that dream come true. I was lucky enough to be a Make-A-Wish kid, but I could never settle on a wish.

Now, years past the worst of it all — you know, the health crises — I feel safe enough to ponder my trauma and its lingering tolls. Psychologists identify four trauma responses: fight, flight, freeze, fawn. The fight response triggers aggression, flight manifests as avoidance, freeze as inaction, and…

I learned about pulmonary rehabilitation during my evaluation for a double-lung transplant in 2015-16. I didn’t know that a program existed to help me learn how to navigate life with low lung function. I had mixed feelings about joining, but soon found that it was the key to better…

About 10 years ago, I interviewed my pulmonologist for a speech class I was taking. I asked him if he thought there’d ever be a cure for cystic fibrosis. He responded with an emphatic yes; not only did he believe there’d be a cure, he believed we’d both live to…

“Is one a crusader or ruthless invader?/ It’s all in which label is able to persist.” That’s one of my favorite lines from “Wonderful,” a lesser-known song in the Broadway smash “Wicked.” I was recently reminded of this song when one of my best friends, a fellow cystic fibrosis…

There’s a person I really like. (I’m her boyfriend, it’s nice.) And when I really like someone, I drop my defenses. We were discussing the building blocks of our identity, and I realized mine mostly derive from cystic fibrosis, deafness, and lung transplant. I wondered what it would look like…