31 Days of CF: Gillian’s Story
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Day 10 of 31 Days of CF Topic: Empowerment in motherhood and pregnancy We asked @gillianmocek to share her experiences: — I have learned so much about my body the past 27 years I have lived with CF. The coolest lesson was becoming a mom. My husband Christian and I brought our son home from the hospital on Mother’s Day three years ago. When they handed him to me after he was born, I was overwhelmed in the best way with joy and disbelief. I had always hoped I would be a mother, but I didn’t dare expect it. Even during my mostly healthy pregnancy, I expected something might go wrong. CF has that way of making us think that things won’t go the way we hope and plan, so I braced myself for the inevitable trouble. Remarkably, I stayed healthy during my pregnancy and stopped just a few meds and managed my CFRD more. When Simon was born, I was induced, progressed relatively easily and naturally without complications or pain meds. I have never felt stronger than when I gave birth to Simon. All of these years with CF, I typically thought about my body in ways that it is broken. I have CF, yet I was able to grow, birth, and nourish another human from my body. Pregnancy or not, this CF body works so much harder than I often give it credit for. I am capable of remarkable things, CF and all. I have taken this lesson with me as I now embark on the delicate balance of motherhood and managing CF. Living with CF as a mother means the stakes are higher and the moments are sweeter. It’s tempting to worry about the future, question whether I’ll be around for XYZ milestone, or what Simon’s life would be like if I wasn’t around. I am tempted to worry more. But I practice staying in the present moment, knowing I will have beautiful days, and hard days too. We will learn to cope with those together. I have taken that powerful strength that I recognized in pregnancy, to trust my body more and focus on its many strengths. — Despite my fears, I am learning to be content with not knowing what is to come, trusting in my ability to manage this disease for a hopeful future, and loving wholeheartedly the days I get to live and breathe.