If having awkward moments were a sport, I’d be an Olympian
A columnist shares some of her greatest hits for Awkward Moments Day
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At this point in my life, I find that the more awkward a situation is, the better. Maybe it stems from a lifetime of awkward moments — most likely. Do I make awkward situations even more awkward? Absolutely.
Being born with a chronic illness — cystic fibrosis (CF) — has brought a whole host of awkwardness to my life. I can recall countless health situations that have led to strange and memorable encounters with people in healthcare settings.
In honor of Awkward Moments Day on March 18, I’m reflecting on some of the most memorable encounters I’ve had as a result of living with CF.
Let’s start with clinic visits — they’re always awkward. If I had a dollar for every time I was asked about my bowel movements, I’d be a millionaire. It’s not just about how often, but also the color, shape, size, and even whether they float or sink. All the while, the medical staff type away, recording every detail. I don’t know about you, but I generally avoid discussing my poop with others — except maybe my husband, but that’s a different story.
I’ve spent days, weeks, and even months living in the hospital. So much for privacy, even with a private room. Medical professionals come and go at all hours, sometimes not waiting for an answer after knocking. I’ve been caught in more compromising situations than I care to admit: getting dressed, using the bathroom, and even dancing. You never know what you’ll find when you walk into my room.
Intravenous antibiotics are administered around the clock, so nurses often sneak in while I’m asleep to hook me up, trying not to wake me. I talk in my sleep, apparently? I wouldn’t have known this when I was single, but they had stories that they didn’t mind teasing me about.
Before my double-lung transplant eight years ago, respiratory failure left me unable to manage most daily tasks on my own. This meant that medical professionals or my parents had to help me with basic needs like going to the bathroom or showering. After 30 years of independence, relying on others for these things was deeply humbling — and awkward. God bless my dad, who held me up with his eyes squeezed shut so my mom could shower me. If that’s not awkward, I don’t know what is!
My husband got a crash course in chronic illness during my recent surgery. While I was still groggy from anesthesia and unsteady on my feet, the nurse sat me on a commode and proceeded to teach him how to wipe me because I was in so much pain. He quickly learned that it’s always front to back — not back to front. Take note!
Please don’t tell anyone, but apparently I’m quite the talker during procedures, too. After nearly a hundred of them, the medical staff still refuse to reveal what I’ve said under sedation. They just laugh and tell me I’m a hoot — which I suppose is a compliment?
What do all these stories have in common? Awkwardness seems to follow me wherever I go. But in the end, these moments have brought belly laughs for everyone involved. It’s true what they say: Laughter really is the best medicine.
Stay awkward, my friends.
Note: Cystic Fibrosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cystic Fibrosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to cystic fibrosis.
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