Spring has sprung: Reflections on the beauty of post-transplant life
For this columnist, the season brings a literal breath of fresh air
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Hitting the trails on one of my favorite hikes, I spent the day atop a mountain, lying in my hammock and gazing up at the bright blue sky. The warm breeze filled my lungs and sparked a sense of excitement. Up there, I was completely alone — no one was there to disturb my peaceful state. It truly was the definition of bliss.
For the first time since the fall, I allowed myself to be completely “off.” I realized this as I breathed a huge sigh of relief, feeling it deep in my core. After having spent an extended period in the hospital, living with hypervigilance became my default. I was always on guard. Constantly anticipating the next threat to my body, I rarely enjoyed the luxury of being at ease.
Living with cystic fibrosis (CF) has kept me in a perpetual state of hyperawareness. For years, I existed in survival mode, my mind endlessly scanning for symptoms that could threaten my life. This vigilance wasn’t a choice but a necessity. The simple act of breathing, something that brings life to everyone, had been a constant struggle for me since birth. Each day was a fight to survive, to outlast my failing lungs.
The space to pause
Even though it’s been eight years since my double-lung transplant, it still doesn’t feel safe to truly relax. Every unfamiliar twinge could signal a medical emergency, and if I miss it, what then? For so long, my life was defined by near-death experiences. My nervous system tells me that letting my guard down could be fatal. In those moments, the fear feels so real — my breath catches, tightness builds in my chest, and panic begins to rise. I can’t relax, because the moment I do, it feels as if something will go wrong.
I’ve started to recognize the subtle ways I remain on guard. Rewiring my brain to believe I’m truly OK has been a long journey, and I’m still making progress. Trusting my body remains difficult, especially with ongoing surgeries, health crises, and the constant demands of managing chronic illness.
Columnist Lara Govendo takes in a spectacular view during a recent hike. She is grateful to be able to breathe, thanks to a double-lung transplant. (Courtesy of Lara Govendo)
But atop this mountain, I have the space to pause and truly notice my surroundings. When I’m present, I can take in the everyday miracles around me. On this mountaintop, I remember what life was like before my transplant — how hiking here would have been impossible without supplemental oxygen, and how I would’ve been terrified to be alone in the woods if my breathing failed or a coughing fit struck. Relaxation was out of reach before my transplant.
Today, with these new-to-me lungs, I must remind myself that the opposite is true. My breath is strong and deep, free from struggle or congestion, a difference that still amazes me.
As glimpses of spring appear, hope stirs within me. It’s a brand-new season to witness transformation, both in the world and within myself. Even with ongoing health challenges, I now get to experience moments of beauty and new beginnings.
Spring brings a literal breath of fresh air. Turning inward, I notice how expansive my breath has become and recognize this simple miracle — one that isn’t so simple to me. Feeling my breath and letting gratitude wash over me is a big deal. I can breathe!
Note: Cystic Fibrosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cystic Fibrosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to cystic fibrosis.
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