Transforming trauma into post-transplant growth
I have learned to hold both gratitude and grief simultaneously
I recently attended a webinar hosted by the Gift of Life Donor Program focused on post-traumatic growth. It provided terminology for experiences I’ve been navigating but couldn’t quite articulate. The emotional landscape of receiving an organ transplant, as I have, is complex, and I now realize that growth often emerges from this complexity.
Before a transplant, as a person’s health declines, life becomes narrower, and personal autonomy diminishes. This brings about a type of emotional turmoil that, in my opinion, is rarely discussed publicly. The transplant itself is an overwhelming mix of miracle, fear, and lifesaving potential. However, what surprised me most after I had a bilateral lung transplant in 2020 was the pressure I felt to return to who I was before everything changed.
The webinar highlighted that anxiety and depression are common in the first two years after a transplant — and understandably so. There are immense emotional burdens that accompany this gift, such as questioning, “Am I worthy of it?” Survivor’s guilt also emerges as one grapples with the reality that someone lost their life for the recipient to receive a new chance. Many people feel a deep obligation to honor this precious gift as they face the disorientation of being expected to return to “normal” after such a monumental life event.
Moving beyond our previous selves
I have learned to hold both gratitude and grief simultaneously. I don’t believe they are opposite emotions, but rather companions. On some days, gratitude fills every part of my being. On others, the grief related to what was lost — both by my donor’s family and in my own life before illness — can weigh heavily on my mind. Learning to balance these emotions by embracing life while honoring loss is essential for growth to emerge in the aftermath of transplant trauma.
The webinar made it clear to me that this growth cannot be forced. It naturally develops over time as we process our experiences. Growth comes from sitting with our individual struggles during the transplant journey and allowing ourselves to move beyond our previous selves. It’s not about returning to who we were before but evolving into something new.
This growth manifests in various ways. It may come as increased personal strength paired with deeper vulnerability. Relationships often grow warmer and closer, compassion expands, and priorities shift dramatically. Simple things, like the feel of sunshine on your face or the taste of coffee in the morning, become more meaningful. Many people also experience spiritual development, increased faith, and a deeper contemplation of life’s purpose.
When I received a letter from my lung donor’s mother, one detail resonated with me: My donor loved to bake for senior citizens. After my transplant, I found myself drawn to volunteering at a local food bank. This work is something I’m passionate about, but I also see it as part of my healing and a way to continue my donor’s legacy of generosity. There is profound meaning in keeping alive something my donor valued in life.
The message from the webinar extends beyond the experience of transplantation. Post-traumatic growth applies to any trauma we encounter. Hearing others share their stories reminded me that we should not navigate these profound experiences alone. The validation that comes from hearing “me too,” along with the sense of community from fellow recipients, permits us to feel both gratitude and grief. It reassures us that growth will come in its own time, which is also a form of healing.
In the five years since my transplant, I have become more intentional about this journey. I have noticed shifts in my perspective, moments of deeper meaning, and ways in which I am evolving rather than merely resurrecting my former self. The transplant didn’t just save my life; it is teaching me how to live it differently and more fully, with a greater awareness of both its fragility and beauty.
To me, living beyond means not trying to revert to a previous version of myself but instead growing into someone shaped by trauma and transformation. This journey involves carrying both the weight of loss and the gift of gratitude forward.
Note: Cystic Fibrosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cystic Fibrosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to cystic fibrosis.
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