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Comparison Corner: How Do You Handle Complainers?
My column this week is up and it’s basically about the art of not comparing yourself to others whenever possible… and how hard that can be when someone is complaining about their health all the time.
Question: How do you handle health-talk with those who might not understand?
I’d love some examples! Personally, I actually LOVE when my friends trust me enough to let me in and let me take care of them… it’s such a relief and a positive place to put our energy. I never mind when others open up to me, and I love trying to be a good support.
But as a dancer, I do grit my teeth a lot with those who are chronic-complainers without much rhyme or reason or rational. They exist. I love them. I try to bite my tongue. But man do they exist.
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1 Reply
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There is a difference between complaining (about health or anything else) and genuinely asking for help with a problem. Your intuition knows the difference perfectly well.
Helping of course is fine, as long as you don’t put on the identity of the helper, because that makes the other person into a victim and this is a wrong dynamic, even (or especially) if it makes you feel good.
Complaining (like comparing and competing) however is a form of madness and should not be encouraged or entertained. Ignore or avoid complaining people as much as possible. They only want attention for their self perceived victim-hood and you can not help them. They are just trouble looking for a cause or an ear. Aything you do or say will feed their madness and drain your Joy and energy.
So in these cases: be silent, don’t react, remove yourself from the situation if possible. Your attention is not the answer to their false question. If you are trapped with such a person, reverse psychology might help. Pity them in such an elaborate way that it makes them uncomfortable, they will then start partly denying their situation (“It is not that bad actually”). But it might backfire if you acting is not subtle enough. And it’s not honest of course, so only use this as a last defense. Then, as soon as possible take control and change the subject.
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