Honoring my daughter, the other CF warrior, on her 30th birthday
The children of patients deserve recognition, support, and acknowledgment
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As I write this, a large snowstorm is rolling over several states, and the forecast here is for accumulating snow in that relentless way that shuts down everything and has people rushing to the grocery stores to stock up.
I am reminded of another storm, 30 years ago — the blizzard of ’96. I remember everything about that day. I was 24, nine months pregnant and about to deliver. I was also living with cystic fibrosis (CF), and the future felt uncertain, at best. Yes, I coughed and did my nebulizer treatments, but my lung function was good. Still, I knew the prognosis, and that quiet knowledge lived in the back of my mind even as I soon held this perfect moment wrapped in a hospital blanket.
This week, that perfect moment — my daughter, Claudia — celebrates her 30th birthday.
When I reflect on the past three decades, something surprising emerges. Yes, there were the hospitalizations, like the one that interrupted her college graduation, and the evenings structured around home intravenous treatments, and later, the anxiety that lived like a third presence in our home. But it’s the birthday parties and funny jokes I remember most, along with the sleepovers with friends, the ordinary Tuesdays, her graduation and dances, teaching her to drive, and college tours.
I remember my daughter growing up, not despite my illness, but simply growing up as a child does, as life insists upon.
Jennifer Cogliano, left, enjoys a moment with her daughter, Claudia Quinlan. (Courtesy of Jennifer Cogliano)
Children are ‘warriors,’ too
CF shaped our journey, but it didn’t define it. It was the weather we lived through, not the landscape we inhabited.
Now she’s 30 and married to someone who loves her deeply — building her own life, perhaps one day creating her own family. And I’m 54, sitting here with transplanted lungs that aren’t mine, pondering the surreal possibility of becoming a grandmother.
Every single day is a gift for every single person, not just those of us with chronic illness or transplant recipients, but everyone. That’s the truth I want her to know on her 30th birthday. Life is precious, fragile, and miraculous for all of us.
In the CF community, we patients are often called “warriors.” On this milestone birthday of hers, I also want to acknowledge the other warriors in our midst — the children who grow up with CF-positive parents.
These children carry burdens they never asked for. They learn the vocabulary of chronic illness, understand hospital visiting hours, insurance denials, and the careful dance of hope and reality long before their peers. They watch their parents struggle to breathe, stay well, and sometimes stay alive. They become caregivers in small ways — fetching medications, keeping quiet during treatments, and managing their own fears when we’re admitted to the hospital again and again.
They sacrifice too, seeing plans canceled, activities limited, and having a childhood shaped around the unpredictable rhythms of disease. They learn resilience, not because we wanted to teach them, but because they had no choice but to learn it.
But here’s what I also see when I look at these children. I look at my daughter’s remarkable strength, profound empathy, and deep capacity for love and gratitude, knowing every day is a gift. They don’t just survive their childhoods. They emerge with gifts forged in difficulty, with perspectives that make them wise beyond their years, and with hearts that know how to hold both joy and sorrow at once.
To all the children of CF parents: You are warriors, too. Your battles look different than ours, but they are no less real. You deserve recognition, support, and the acknowledgment that CF touched your life in ways that shaped you, challenged you, and, yes, sometimes hurt you.
And to my daughter specifically: Thank you for being my companion through this journey. Thank you for your patience with my limitations, your grace through my hospitalizations, and your courage when things were scary. Thank you for growing into exactly who you were meant to be — not in spite of having a mom with CF, but as the whole, complete person you’ve always been becoming.
Happy 30th birthday, my darling daughter, Claudia. You are “clothed in strength and dignity.” Look how far we’ve come together.
Note: Cystic Fibrosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cystic Fibrosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to cystic fibrosis.
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