I’m still waiting for spring to bring me back to life

We’ve been having such a slow-developing spring here in Pennsylvania. The temperatures have been lower than normal, and it feels like it’s been raining for months. I must continually remind myself not to complain about it.

Yet some years, it’s felt like we’ve gone from freezing cold and snow to extreme heat overnight, which left us begging for a slow spring warmup. I guess there’s always something to complain about if you’re looking for it.

So my daily mindfulness mentality has me staying in the present and making the most of it. But when it’s gray and gloomy for so many days in a row, it can be challenging to maintain this outlook.

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$5M grant to support research in cystic fibrosis lung transplants

After a cold, harsh winter, the anticipation of sunshine and warmth is paramount. Not only do I dislike the cold weather, but also living with cystic fibrosis (CF) during winter months means cold and flu season, which triggers anxiety and a fear of getting sick. I am acutely aware of the possibility of being hospitalized or experiencing a decline in lung function from which I might not fully recover. Social isolation is a way to decrease this risk, but it takes a toll.

During the colder months, I don’t spend much time outdoors, which can result in symptoms that are similar to seasonal affective disorder, or SAD. These symptoms of depression include fatigue, a loss of interest in activities, changes in sleep patterns and appetite, and irritability.

I used to think this physical and mental heaviness during winter was due to my declining health over the years. But even now, after having a double-lung transplant, I still battle it during the colder months. Although I fight through it most days, an underlying pull toward these feelings weighs me down.

Part of it might be the past trauma I’ve had while living with CF. I’m now immunocompromised after having a transplant, so the cold and flu season is still dangerous for my health. My body hibernates to protect itself, and my mind pays the price for this isolation and fear. Or it may be the cold weather that my frail body can’t tolerate, requiring me to wear several layers of clothing and stay under the blankets to keep warm. Most likely, it’s a little of both.

I can’t fully describe the relief my body and mind experience when spring finally arrives and I feel the sun’s warmth on my skin. When the temperature starts to rise, I’ll sit outside and close my eyes, and the weight of my winter emotions will melt away. I feel alive again.

My mood becomes lighter and my body has more energy. I experience a surge of regeneration. My body feels restored in a way I can’t force it to do during colder months.

I didn’t have this awareness of my mental health when I was younger. Now that I’m in my 50s and have endured advanced-stage CF and a double-lung transplant, I’ve become aware of these patterns, but it’s still hard to overcome them. It’s a work in progress.

Note: Cystic Fibrosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cystic Fibrosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to cystic fibrosis.