Leaving my job showed me that I am worth more than my ability to produce

I used to measure my worth the way so many of us are brought up to do: by what I did and by how productive I was.

Productivity is a conversation starter in most social circles. How much you’ve accomplished or how busy you are is celebrated like a badge of honor. Getting stuff done elevates how others view you, I’ve noticed, and we are brought up to measure our worth by our work, job, or title. Achievements are a litmus test of value.

I’ve always been proud that I earned bachelor’s and master’s degrees while battling cystic fibrosis exacerbations, and that I worked full time despite running low on energy and oxygen. But before my double-lung transplant nine years ago, my failing lungs were tired, and it took all I could just to get out of bed in the morning, let alone work past my capacity. Even so, I was expected to work harder and faster so that I could keep up with my peers.

I worked myself nearly to death.

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A big shift

But when I was hit with blood clots in 2016, I had to stop working my job as a therapist. I grieved losing the ability to work and felt guilty for leaving my clients, but I was quickly replaced. It was a humbling reminder that no job is worth sacrificing my health for, but having to resign resulted in an identity crisis. I asked, “Who am I apart from my job?”

My purpose was deeply tied to being a therapist. The end of that job marked the beginning of a soul-searching journey to redefine who I was when this part of myself that took up so much time and space was taken away.

Meeting new people was hard. When people asked me what I did, I didn’t have an answer and would just say, “I live life.” That stumped a lot of them. Not having the ability to work anymore due to the decline in my health made it hard to relate to people my age.

But while I was in respiratory failure, I learned the true value of myself and others. I realized that my identity was more about who I was as a person, how I treated others, and the way I encouraged those around me just by being myself. It had nothing to do with the things I couldn’t do anymore anyway — how much I accomplished, produced, or contributed.

In this season of my life, I also attached my identify to Jesus. I found contentment by tying the most important piece of my identity to being a child of God. Having this anchor eliminated anxiety about tying my identity to things outside of my control, such as jobs, relationships, and health circumstances. This has continued to stabilize my overall well-being.

I wish that we would all adopt the view that a person’s worth is based on their character and not on their productivity. The world needs people that others can relate to rather than feel separated from. We all have something wonderful to offer just by being ourselves!

Note: Cystic Fibrosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cystic Fibrosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to cystic fibrosis.