I’m no longer waiting for the perfect health that will never come

I used to think that I needed to wait until my health was perfect before I could do all the things I wanted to do. I’d say, “Once I get this surgery done … ,” or, “Once my lung function cooperates … ,” or, “When I feel better … ” then I would take that trip, write that book, or socialize more.

I’ve lived with cystic fibrosis (CF) my entire life, so I’m used to being thrown curveballs. I’ve often had to postpone or cancel a plan, or shift directions because of CF. Before my double-lung transplant eight years ago, my health was wildly unpredictable. CF was like, “Plot twist, I have different plans for you” when I attempted to plan anything. I was always having to make adjustments, which led to me hesitating and the desire to wait until I’m “healthy” before I’d do something.

But, too often, that day never arrived.

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Since my transplant, my health hasn’t been perfect, either. Shocking, I know. Essentially, I’ve traded one disease for another, meaning I still have CF, just not in my lungs. There’s been a whole host of new health adjustments to get used to, various challenges I’d never dealt with before, and unexpected crises I’ve had to navigate.

Now, I tend to oscillate between diving in head first and waiting. Sometimes I’ll be gung-ho and do things, even dragging an oxygen tank behind me. Other times, I’m like a sitting duck, convinced I can’t possibly engage in life until every item is checked off my health to-do list. For example, when I’m in the hospital it’s easy to fall back on putting my life on hold until I’m home again.

But I am seeing that the problem with waiting is that there is no perfect life and no perfect health.When I say I’ll do the thing when I am better, I only end up breaking my heart when I set such expectations.

I’m coming to see that I can utilize my gifts in any environment, even the most unlikely places — like a hospital. Helping people navigate life’s challenges, offering an encouraging word, or connecting people to resources. I can do that anywhere, and I have.

What does it look like to live life without waiting for perfect health? It looks like taking each day as it comes and not halting my life just because my health isn’t where I want it to be. It means doing what I can with the health that I have, not waiting until it or my circumstances are different. It means celebrating all that I have right now, in this moment and in this season of life.

It means releasing expectations of what I think my health should look like, and allowing it to be what it is. It means knowing that my life is being lived now, and that’s the most important fact of the matter.

Nobody is promised tomorrow. Halting life when health challenges arise or waiting until things are perfect didn’t work for me. So I’m learning how to be present, no matter the circumstance. There’s beauty and purpose in those seasons, too.

Note: Cystic Fibrosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cystic Fibrosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to cystic fibrosis.