I am definitely not doing well with pressure right now.
A conflux of deadlines have hit around the same time- writing work, family work, major major major dance work… and I’m not a cool cucumber. I probably appear like one on the surface because I’m a great liar (um, performer. Cough Cough. Performer), but inside, I’m deeply stressed.
“I have to keep perspective,” I find myself saying, knowing that all of the things happening again are good things; things I want to happen. So why am I like this now? Is this because of the pandemic, and the schedules and routines and rushing relaxing out of my system for so long?
Not that the pandemic was relaxing but… my body was able to go at a much different pace for much of the time.
I couldn’t fall asleep last night because my heart was racing so badly while thinking about all the things I have to troubleshoot to protect my dancers and give them the best experience possible in the oncoming weeks (Am I the only one who’s heart races when responsible for other people, but not really for oneself?), and all the medical To Dos still on my list.
And I know what you’re all going to say: Mediate. Get perspective. Pray. CBD. And trust me, I’m trying and I definitely want to be using all the mental tools to rise above and through this but… Sometimes, such things really are easier said than done. (And stressing about how I’m stressing too much isn’t helping me either, but I’m doing that too, lol)
All of which is to say: Am I so stressed because I haven’t practiced “stress” in the same way for a year? Or am I stressed because maybe this isn’t the way I want my life to be any more?
What about you? Anyone else having a hard time adjusting?