NICU Nightmares: Has It Been Hard To Move On?

My co-moderator and friend Jenny posted about pregnancy and the birth of her daughter this week on the forum, and it made me think a lot about my youngest daughter’s complicated birth story.

Even though both my pregnancies were marked with digestive issues more than anything else (I was sick the entire time, not just the first trimester), nothing felt truly terrifying until the end of my second. My daughter was born with a pneumothorax and sick lungs at a month early, and even though she was big (she was well over 7 pounds at that time), she really fought for her life in the NICU.

I remember being proud she was the size she was because I had to work SO HARD to gain weight during the pregnancies due to nausea-Zofran-sickness-dehydrated hell, but it was surreal to see a “perfect looking” baby in critical care in the advanced NICU. If she’d gone full term… She probably would have been 8 or 9 pounds!

It is truly a miracle that she survived in the way that she did (it was touch and go more than once), but I still feel quivers of trauma and fear when I think about my pregnancies and labor and deliveries… even after all these years.

So, here’s my question: Does anyone have PTSD or residual emotion about their child being born with CF, or having a complicated childhood in general?