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Sunday Morning (48) Helping, speaking or listening – or be quiet
Kate Delany last week wrote an interesting column on this website titled: “Sometimes it’s best just to listen”.
In it she describes the predicament of parents being confronted with their children needing help for a plethora of things in normal life – and the Pavlov-reflex of parents who immediately rush in to help, wanting to cure and fix. While in many cases, fixing is not what is required most – only listening will do fine, perhaps even better. In this context she mentions the Alice-in-Wonderland/Buddhist-Mindfulness quote: “Don’t just do something – Stand there!”
This quote seems to stem from 1945, used in the gossip column of Leonard Lyons, who referred to the play “The Assassin” where producer Martin Gabel shouted this to an actress who was moving wildly in stead of staying motionless, as was required according to the script. And later it has been used by and attributed to many others as well, even by the White Rabbit, who shouted this to Alice in Wonderland, thinking she was Mary Ann, the householder.
It is a funny quote and there is a lot of nondual truth in this indeed. We think that we are doing things by our free will, while in fact in remains at least doubtful if a free will indeed exists at all. And in that case, who is doing? And in stead of doing, what can we do? Shouldn’t we then just stand there and do nothing? Or should we use words?
The great Indian sage Ramana Maharshi already said: “Best be quiet”. It was his most important teaching. Words are a poor way of dealing with reality, with that which already is complete. As the Sufi poet Rumi once sighed: “why did I ever start using words?”
And lately I had an interesting email exchange with Marshall Davis, who runs the YouTube channel Christian nonduality. We talked about the meaning of the last words of Jesus, where on the cross he (is said to have) shouted – according to the gospel of Matthew, who likes to portrait Jesus in a profound Messianistic way, quoting and living the words of the Psalms -:
“My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me” (quoting a text that occurs earlier in Psalm 22). This quote has caused a lot of questions and controversy; what did Jesus mean? Had he lost faith in the last moments? How come?
Perhaps also Jesus had better been quiet at that time. And perhaps he was, and these words were invented into the gospels later, to make a statement about his suffering and the suffering of humanity, for whom he gave his life after all. And then the question arises if Jesus, being an enlightened being, could suffer at all – or would his liberation have prevented this? Or was it just a cry for help? Well, you get the drift, and there are a lot of sources you can read about this if you are interested.
“When and how should we help” is also a matter of viewpoint and intention. Leading to the question: Who is helping whom? Seeing the “other” as separate, will cause a dynamic of helper and helped. This will confirm separation, dependence and distance even more. Helper and helped could get imprisoned in this dynamic. Only when this separation stops, the real helping will occur, from heart to heart without “otherness”. This helping needs no words, or doing, or even free will. It is like the sound of the Rain, which needs no translation. This goes way beyond mindfulness, or even empathy. It is not a technique to improve life or reduce stress, it has no agenda at all. It is not concerned about concepts like boundaries or individuality.
It is like the one hand intuitively caressing the other that is in pain. It is one body supporting itself, with no personal involvement. This is the real Samaritan way that Jesus also talked about, but it is a way without distance. It is immediate reality, aliveness in action. Helper and helped have disappeared into the activity of helping.
Funny that I should talk about Jesus in the last years more then ever before. being non-baptized and an official Pagan. But I have come to learn that the core values of many religions, before they got misunderstood by followers and turned into an institutionalized religion, are all the same and point to the same truth. Then it doesn’t matter what or who you quote or read or realize, if only it is about the real source.
The teachings of the Buddha or Jesus, the Jewish Kabbalah, the old Chinese Zen masters and poets like Ryokan, the Daoist teachings of Lao Zi, nondual Hindu sages like Shankara, Ramana or Nisargadatta, poets of Sufi or Islam tradition like Hafez or Rumi, or even modern teachers of awareness like Eckhart Tolle – they all refer to nonduality and the oneness in Nature. In this, mankind – being a feature of nature itself – can find the story of belonging, much more than in any specific official religion.
At least, that is what Debbie and I found out. And our little dog Buddha already knew.
I hope this helps, and sorry for all the words. Have a wonderful Sunday.
Paul&Debbie
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