Here’s why you should never judge a book by its cover
Empathy and understanding require us to listen without judgment
I might look like I have it all together, but right now, my belly aches, my brain is foggy, and I can’t seem to focus long enough to write this column.
From the outside, I look incredible. I’m not bragging, I get this comment a lot. On the surface, I’m skinny and pretty, so most people think I probably feel as incredible as I look. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Living with cystic fibrosis (CF) affects everything. My digestion is challenged, my sinuses are constantly clogged, and my energy level has never been stellar. On top of all of that, I had a double-lung transplant seven years ago. New medications have brought new side effects I wasn’t prepared for. Now I’m also diabetic, have angry kidneys, and worry about every twinge my body makes. All of this adds a layer of turbulence to my overall ability to function.
Walk a mile in someone’s shoes
Sure, I look “normal.” You wouldn’t be able to tell by looking at me that I’ve had my chest sawed in half during transplant surgery and medical trauma from daily life with chronic illness, or that I’m hypervigilant about everything because I’ve been close to death numerous times. You won’t ever see the hell that my body has endured because it’s not noticeable just by looking at me.
Believe me, I wish I felt as good as I look. That’d be wonderful! I imagine the endless energy, the lack of aches and pains, and how I’d sleep through the night. I’d run around without tiring, and I wouldn’t have to deal with brain fog, so I’d probably be a bestselling author by now!
If only my insides mirrored my external appearance.
Knowing what it’s truly like to live in my body on a daily basis would require others to want to know these details of my life. That’s true for any of us. Our stories can’t be understood until we tell the truth about our experiences to people who want to understand.
To be clear, I’m not here to whine or seek sympathy. It’s not in my nature to do either of those things. I’m sharing these details of my life in the hopes that it will create empathy for others who have invisible health struggles.
I’ve spoken with several people in various chronic illness communities who’ve had similar experiences. They’re judged by how others think their bodies should function, based on their appearance. Those judgments are made by people who’ve never experienced chronic illness. They’re held to able-bodied standards that don’t acknowledge the struggles of those of us with invisible illnesses.
The truth is that we never know what someone else is going through. Most people aren’t entirely open about their struggles. We can’t see the grief or stress people face every day. Nor can we see the depth of their pain. And it isn’t always medically related; our heartaches, emotional scars, and daily burdens are invisible, too.
Maybe that’s what I’m here to say this week: Instead of judging a book by its cover, take the time to read the pages and ask some questions. Listen without forming opinions. Allow others to be who they are. There’s so much more to each of our stories than what meets the eye.
Note: Cystic Fibrosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cystic Fibrosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to cystic fibrosis.
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