Tips for offering help to those living with chronic illness

Before my double-lung transplant nine years ago, I frequently struggled with daily living tasks, simple ones that most people have no problem doing on their own.

I was in my early 20s, on my own, and living with cystic fibrosis, but in a strange middle ground. I wasn’t sick enough to be listed for a lung transplant yet, but I was too sick to work. Most of my energy went into trying to breathe, but trying to get by with low lung function, using supplemental oxygen, and taking intravenous antibiotics was a lot to manage by myself.

So I would cut corners when it came to housework, errands, and self-care. I rarely left my house, so I sometimes went without necessities because I was too tired. Most nights, I would eat cereal because I couldn’t muster the energy to cook for myself.

I did receive offers of help from people, but I frequently declined them. I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone, and I was embarrassed that I couldn’t do things on my own. Also, when people offered to help, they would frequently say, “Let me know if you need anything,” but I never thought I needed anything. Despite being exhausted, I thought I was capable enough.

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Offering help

Since my lung transplant, I’ve had the opportunity to help those in need, and I’ve learned a few things about how to offer help to someone in a way that will get them to accept it.

I know that it’s really hard to prepare meals when surviving is exhausting. Running errands feels like a luxury. Low energy levels, not feeling well, and chronic health issues make leaving the house a challenge. Keeping up with tasks beyond health necessities isn’t prioritized. So offering to grocery shop, drop off meals, or run errands is a practical way to help.

And I’ve learned that it’s useful to name those things. When I was in need of help, saying something like, “I’m going to drop off dinner, what time works for you?” or “How about I come over tomorrow to help you clean? What’s your schedule like?” made it easier for me to accept help.

Offering tangible suggestions helps people who might not know what to ask for. It’s a practical ask that identifies a specific need.

Taking care of myself before my transplant felt like a marathon, and I wish I knew how to communicate that I needed help with everyday tasks. I also wish I hadn’t felt embarrassed by my health, given that it wasn’t my fault and was out of my control. I’m grateful for those people who stepped in when I needed an extra hand. That kind of help makes all the difference.

Note: Cystic Fibrosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cystic Fibrosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to cystic fibrosis.