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Pregnancy Loss and Grief: Just Me?
I wrote about not being able to have a baby successfully with my husband (I have two girls, previously, whom we raise together) on my Instagram recently… and felt utterly terrified to post it. I found a photo of the positive pregnancy stick [from many years ago] on my desktop unexpectedly, and spiraled into thought.
After sharing it (despite my reservations), I was surprised at how many women reached out privately in DMs to talk about their own experiences.
Because of the stigma around not carrying a baby to term (whether by accident or by choice if doctors advised to potential dangers), it’s not something we talk about often, but it IS something I think a fair amount of people carry with them.
I knew that my body wouldn’t be able to handle a pregnancy then (and after the pure miracle and luck of having two already), but REALLY wanted it to happen. As it turned out, I ended up in the ICU a few months later with a dangerous heart condition, and can’t even imagine what that would or could have done if I’d been pregnant. By the time my health stabilized, my uterus and colon had prolapsed, and had to be removed… so that was that.
Has anyone else experienced these conflicting feelings throughout the years?
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My heart ached as I read your original post. I miscarried both before and after the birth of my daughter. It’s not something I talk about often, but when I do, I also receive a multitude of messages from other women who have experienced something similar.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that my daughter will be my only child. As you know, I am also raising her with a partner who is not her biological father (but is truly her parent in all the ways that count). I sometimes think of what it would like to have a child with him, who shares his DNA. While I know it is not possible, and I truly am at peace with that, I can’t help but dream.
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