-
Happy Birthday To Me and… A Quick, Honest Mental Struggle With Age (Eek)
Today is my birthday and I definitely can’t believe how old I am. I’m not sure if it’s because I feel enormously younger and cannot fathom my current age (it feels like a trick?) I am almost embarrassed of my age, right now, because it feels such an ill fit for how I feel inside.
Then again, my Dad asked me if I feel “105” today and I said yes… because my actual body (the pain level and current surgical recovery) does not match how it looks on the outside, nor how people perceive it, nor what I’m accomplishing in life, nor how I mentally feel. I’m sure many of you can relate.
So here is my first question: How old do you feel right now, if you didn’t know your actual age? Give us a number and be honest! (This should be fun)
I of course know it’s an utter privilege to have lived this long, when so many of my diseases have maudlin prognosis’s, and some of us continue to defeat the odds. I definitely don’t want to seem ungrateful when I say I feel weird about my age, and wonder what age I seem to others on the outside looking in.
So my next questions are:
Do you feel ungrateful when you struggle with growing older/your age (considering we, in the CF community, are supposed to only celebrate every year we’ve made it), or are you able to give yourself the grace to feel whatever you need to feel?
Do you ever feel anything more than gratitude; Is it complex for you too sometimes?
PS. I know my age probably sounds like a young kitten to some of our forum friends who are older, so I also know it can seem obnoxious when someone “younger” kvetches about aging… But I’m hoping you remember feeling the same at certain points in time and understand! I am, for clarity, officially 35 (which blows my mind).
-
1 Reply
-
Happy Dreamings Bailey! (I will clarify tomorrow in the Sunday Morning talk.)
Log in to reply.