Survivor's Guilt?

[luisa-palazola]

Oh dude, this is a tough one. I think on one hand, I realized a while ago that asking “why me?” wasn’t doing me any service, but making and allowing me to feel self pity and almost lesser self worth? At the same time, I started (and this is just me) finding my own sense of spirituality and something greater than this world, I guess in a lot of senses “God” and reason, and learning to trust that. Perhaps it’s denial, but it’s also allowing me to accept that for some reason, I AM alive and faring well. And, maybe I can create something wit my time here, or empower other people with CF. Sometimes it’s just being there for my friends, or doing something to “help” communities that don’t have as good resources. So, I guess for me. I’ve learned that maybe being given a day is a gift in itself, and it’s not my place to question, but uphold it.

[paul-met-debbie]

Well, let’s lift this beyond the cf world. How do you react when someone you know (a fellow human being) dies before you do? Should you be feeling guilty? Why? Is this any different from a fellow cf patiënt dying? Really?

In my opinion, this has nothing to do with cf at all. To parafrase a well known latin proverb: “hodie tibi, cras mihi”. Guilt is not the appropriate feeling. Sadness, mourning, yes. But guilt? No. The dying of the other person has nothing to do with you. Don’t try to own it by feeling guilty, it’s an act of egoism.

A little joke goes like this: two old men are sitting on a bench near the village church as a funeral procession goes by. One man says to the other: “That’s John, he died last week. You were his best friend. Shouldn’t you be at his funeral in stead of sitting here with me?” Whereupon the other replies: “No. He is not coming to my funeral either, is he?”

While this is funny because it is a overly blunt reaction, I think in the core it’s much healthier than feeling guilty about someones early demise.

Paul