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  • Valentine Tales (Health and Relationship Stages?)

    Posted by bailey-anne-vincent on February 15, 2021 at 10:06 am

    Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and I spent most of it with my daughters and husband.

    I met my husband when my health was first starting to really decline, but I didn’t have a grip yet on what was going (I was a late diagnosis!) My diagnosis went through many wrong iterations until we finally figured out what was up, but even then, the most psychologically relieving thing for myself at the time was establishing a good routine. As soon as I knew “what to do” (lung clearance, inhaled antibiotics, enzymes and onward), I improved, even though the damage to organs at not knowing for so many years was significant.

    I think my partner knew “what he was getting into” when we first met, in the sense that he knew I had major breathing problems (my fingers would periodically go blue) and was soon to get a G tube placed, but he didn’t really KNOW. You know? Who could? I know I didn’t!

    So here’s my question for you: What stage of health were you in when you met your now person, whomever that is?

    Or, if you don’t currently have a Valentine (more power to ya): Has health ever impacted a former flame significantly? In good or bad ways?

    jenny-livingston replied 3 years, 2 months ago 2 Members · 1 Reply
  • 1 Reply
  • jenny-livingston

    February 16, 2021 at 1:16 pm

    Valentine’s Day (though far from my favorite holiday) stirred up some similar thoughts and reflections for me. My health has certainly impacted former relationships and was even a significant factor in the dismantling of my previous marriage.

    When I met and fell in love with my now ex-husband, I was young and very healthy. I’d never experienced an adult CF exacerbation or severe illness. I tried to “warn” him of what might lie ahead for us, but truth be told, I had no idea. In the 9 years we spent together, my health changed drastically. I was incredibly sick much of the time. It was a constant source of stress, resentment, and struggle for us.

    When I met my current partner, my health was a bit more stable and my disease well-established. I knew how to better care for myself and had faced enough that I had a better idea of what I could expect from CF. He has handled everything CF has thrown at us like a total pro. He never complains, the resentment I felt in my previous marriage is non-existent, and we face all the trials and challenges of CF hand-in-hand.

    I remember thinking, for years, that the next health trial I faced would be the end of my marriage. If not that one, then the next. For a very long time, I felt unworthy of a solid partner because all that I’d put them through. I struggled with my self worth because of how sick I was and the way my relationship was impacted by it.

    That is no longer the case. I understand that my health has no impact on my value as a person or partner. I have so much to offer and a person who doesn’t want to be by my side through these challenges doesn’t deserve to be there. I now have the kind of relationship I used to envy and a partner who is my biggest cheerleader. I love and appreciate him tremendously, on Valentine’s Day and every other day of the year!

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