Easter sparks reflection on death, life after a lung transplant
I see similarities between my story and Jesus' resurrection
As a Christian, I view this time of year as an opportunity to reflect on death and new life. Easter is a reminder of the miracle of Jesus’ death and resurrection, and I always find connections in that story to my transplant journey.
The first year after my double-lung transplant in 2017, it hit me so deeply that my life mirrors the observed Christian holidays of Good Friday (the day of Jesus’s death by crucifixion) and Resurrection Sunday (when he rose from the dead).
I could relate to the gut-wrenching grief that Jesus felt in the Garden of Gethsemane as he pleaded with his father to take his cup of suffering. Before my transplant, I remember saying a similar prayer. I wanted an end to my suffering, and yet my heart’s deepest desire was to walk the path that God had laid for me. His will, not mine.
Even though my life was saved by my organ donor, it felt like a part of me had died — because it had.
My lungs died. That isn’t typically addressed in the transplant world, but it was so heavy to process that one of my most vital organs, which had kept me alive for 30 years, had been removed from my body. My lungs had fought so hard against the war raging inside of me, caused by cystic fibrosis.
There were many other parts of me that died that day — not just my lungs. My past life had been filled with breathing treatments, oxygen, and frequent hospitalizations, but these interventions were no longer necessary. Anxiety surrounding my breath was unwarranted. Depression from not being able to live my life uninhibited had vanished. The fear of death was no longer imminent.
I didn’t process these changes immediately. Grieving my old life and stepping into my new one has been a long journey — one I’m still on. Even though my life before transplant was difficult and scary, there were many good elements, too.
The miracle of transplantation continues to amaze me. I have a completely different life now that I’m breathing with new lungs. My life has changed in countless ways that still feel surreal.
Connecting my own experience to Jesus
That’s how my belief in Jesus’ resurrection became so strong. While in respiratory failure before my transplant, I was dying. I physically felt like I’d been brought back from the dead, resurrected into a new life.
Through the complexities of transplant, sometimes it’s hard to see the whole picture. The tragedy of my donor’s death was necessary for me to receive the gift of new lungs. It’s bittersweet on both ends.
I see similarities in Jesus’ life. I imagine that those who witnessed his horrific death struggled to see that a good outcome was possible. As a Christian, I believe it had to happen for the atonement of sins and so that I’d never be separated from God, even in death. Despite the awful circumstances, to me, this is good news. Jesus’ resurrection gives me greater hope.
After my own resurrection, I have clarity about my deeper purpose. Having endured quite a bit of suffering, I’ve had the honor of walking with others on their own challenging journeys. Being present and sparking hope in others bring even more meaning to my new life.
As I continue to pause in reverence of what Jesus did for me, I’m filled with awe and gratitude. Much like his death and resurrection, the process of my transplant wasn’t easy or painless. It wasn’t something I ever wanted to endure. But if given the choice, I’d choose my life. Every time.
Note: Cystic Fibrosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Cystic Fibrosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to cystic fibrosis.
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