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Real Talk: Are You Happy With Your Body?
Recently, our forum friend Jenny said the following: “I’ve experienced some pretty significant changes to my body in the last few years, but I held onto old clothes thinking “someday, they’ll fit again.” Finally coming to peace with the idea that realistically, they’ll probably never fit again and it’s okay to let them go was very liberating.”
This really struck me. On almost exactly the same day I read this, posted by Lena Dunham, and was really struck by the following sentiment in particular: “I say this for any other person whose appearance has been changed with time, illness or circumstance-it’s okay to live in your present body without treating it as transitional. I am, and I’m really enjoying it.”
A lot of us have shared about medication-related weight gain, sickness related weight loss and everything in between, and I was wondering:
Where are you with your body and body image right now?
Would you say you’re “living in your present body” or still working towards goals?
If you could only be this “present version” of your body forevermore, would you be able to be happy?
Complicated thoughts, I know, and certainly not the last of them. I have my own thought to share tomorrow but first wanted to hear how you were all doing, and see if this “present body living” was evolving, stalling, or improving.
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4 Replies
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I have been letting go of clothes all my life. Both when (young) my growing body became too large, and when (older and losing weight due to lung function decline) my shrinking body became too small. Letting go is indeed liberating and I never had any regrets about it. Sometimes I had the joy however of clinging to some garments for sentimental reasons, even if they became too large, and now finding myself fitting in them again, due to 8 pounds of Kaftrio – upholstery. So, hanging on is sometimes a good thing too. There is no recipe for this, just try it out and play the game, and as long as you don’t hang on with your mind there is freedom to do this.
So that last thought answers your other questions as well: I am just playing around, without having any body image whatsoever. My body doesn’t ask for, or need me having an image about it. I was always living in the present body and took it as it came. Right from the start as a baby I had no complaints for I didn’t know better. And I never started knowing since.
Happiness does, for me, not depend on such outer things. It is the result of acceptance and surrender to whatever presents itself to me. In fact, more and more I have the experience that my body is in me, in stead of the other way around. Because everything seems to be in me – nothing is other. This is a very peaceful and pleasant experience I must say, there is a lot of happiness and stillness in that. And whatever happens to my body, it will always be in me – no worries – and it will always fit.
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At the risk of sharing too much information, today I am bloated, extremely hormonal and feeling very uncomfortable with and in my body.
Two days ago, I wore some pants that clung to my bum and legs in all the right spots and as I danced in the kitchen with my daughter, I felt my body moving and jiggling in ways that I absolutely loved. It’s kind of new to me (within the last year or two) to see or feel the softness of my body and think, “Geez, I love that.”
So, to answer your questions, my body image is constantly changing but I do feel like I’ve reached a reasonable level of acceptance. Some days, I won’t love what I see in the mirror or the ways I’m feeling as I move. Other days, I’m going to feel like an absolute goddess (okay, that might be going a little far). But I’ve reached a place where I have so much gratitude and love for my body regardless of how I’m looking or feeling at any given moment.
Even when I’m struggling with changes or experiencing a day like today where I’m feeling uncomfortable and “blah” about certain aspects of my body, I really love her.
I’m also reminded that when my body was smaller and at my most fit/healthy looking, I was quite sick. And I STILL struggled with body image. So, while I think it’s always going to be somewhat of a challenge — there will forever be an ebb and flow — I can fully accept and choose to continue to love my body through the ups and downs.
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Personally, I feel content with my body at the moment, both internal and external. Routine has always been such a major part of my life so exercising three times a week and eating at the same times each day helps to retain a balanced body. Make no mistake, Kaftrio has been such a big enabler of this healthy routine. In the past two years or so I have been avoiding weighing myself too frequently and this has really helped me to focus in on how I feel rather than have my self-esteem and general happiness be determined by numbers. CF practitioners put so much emphasis on these numbers and I think this creates a false picture of what happiness really is.
This is something I experienced a lot when I was younger when I had a low BMI, low FEV1, poor walking test number etc. With maturity comes perspective, which I find to be the biggest truth of all. I feel it is important to look at the bigger picture and when you start to think deeply about how you look, find something that will keep you busy and take your mind off it.
Nowadays, the only time I feel conscious about how I look is when I feel like people are staring at me in college. I know I look different to them (I appear much younger than I am) but I choose to take pride in the fact that I have faced adversity the likes of which they may never face and have become a more resilient and strong person as a result.
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I really love this perspective, Andrew. Thanks for sharing!
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