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The Future: Who Are You Without Sickness?
Who would you be if you weren’t sick?
That’s a hard question, isn’t it? I like to think I never think about “what ifs” or letting sickness “stop me”, but in reality, if it weren’t for my health, my life would look different. That’s just the way it is. I wrote about how much I hate identifying as just one thing on my Instagram a couple of days ago, but the subject can be painful to admit.
I am certain I’d have had a baby with my husband, and I’d assume I’d be working more right now as a writer and dancer than I’ve been able to do during this modified quarantine. (The extreme pain in my spine- exacerbated by sitting and dancing, specifically- is really putting a damper on things.)
But I also wonder who’d I’d be in the broader sense? I’d likely have completed my degree in a faster fashion. Perhaps even followed different pursuits all together (like veterinary science). I’d hopefully have traveled at least once in my life (because of medical bills, I’ve still never been able to leave the country, even though it’s my singular bucket list dream).
What do you wish you could do one day that you missed the chance to do?
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2 Replies
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Most of the “I wish” moments in my life aren’t a result of my illness. Rather, I was young and dumb and made horrible choices. I do think I’d have spent more time running and playing with my daughter. That’s something I wasn’t able to do for a long time, but now, I’m able to be more active and involved than I’ve been in years! (Thank you Trikafta!)
I like this question. I’ve never given it much thought, to be honest, but now that I’m considering it, I don’t think my life choices would be that much different without CF. Or maybe I just have no other frame of reference to even imagine a different life? I’m going to have to think about this more. Thank you for asking this! I’ll let you know if I have any epiphanies!
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Who Am I Without Sickness?
Don’t be silly!
With or without sickness, you would be exactly the same. You would be Life expressing itself in one form or another. The particular form it takes doesn’t matter at all.
Yes, in a healthy body you would perhaps have done other things, had other experiences and thoughts and feelings, but these are not who you are at all. Contemplating thoughts like these is what the ego loves, but it is a total waste of time and energy and puts you out of the now. There is no life in thoughts like these.
You sound like the prisoner behind iron bars, who imagines how much better her life would have been if she only had been behind those golden bars she has heard so much about. Why would you limit your imagination to this little insignificant change of scenery? You could instead imagine to be totally free, not only free of your little disease, but free of your body and mind altogether. And if you do this with enough sincerity, and really look inside instead of dreaming in the outer world, you actually would find that it is already so and you were never in this prison at all. Aim high, and you will find heaven.
Don’t try to find out only “Who Am I Without Sickness?” Find out “Who Am I?” Having been blessed with a “disease” like CF is a perfect and very helpful pointer that this is the single one thing worth doing in life. It is what you are here for. Don’t postpone and waste your unique opportunity, start today. You will be surprised beyond all imagination!
Namaste,
Paul
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