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What to Do When Everyone Dies

Two of my friends are dead. And I’m scared. Recently, I lost two friends on the same day. One was in love with a dear friend of mine — he has a milder form of cystic fibrosis, and they successfully loved and lived for years. The other I texted nearly…

The Present Realizes the Past Through Travel

In my senior year of college, I wanted to be just like Dad. He’s a courageous traveler who has filled many passports and has eaten all sorts of weird foods. The problem was that traveling kind of scared me. No, it really scared me. It seemed like every plane…

Giving My Anxiety a Name

Lung function — typically measured by forced expiratory volume in the first second (FEV1) — is the boogeyman for people with cystic fibrosis (CF). Whether it’s our lung function, our weight, our BMI, our liver levels, or our glucose levels, our lives are an assemblage of numbers, values, qualifiers,…

Sick Food Diaries: A Day In the Life

9 a.m. I should be starting my day with the smoothie bowls that are stocked in my freezer. You can add gluten-free granola and honey to the pre-blended nutrients, but granola doesn’t sit well with me. I ate a protein bar and a banana on the morning of my…

The Art of Not Helping

My head is in the clouds right now. I took a heavy sleeping aid about half an hour ago, and wooh, that stuff hits fast and hard. The sleeping aid has become necessary some nights. I don’t know how to sleep when my phone keeps buzzing, buzzing, buzzing. I pick…

Preventing the Spread of Misinformation

A few weeks ago, an article with the headline, “Vertex sinks on reports of deaths of patients taking cystic fibrosis drug,” circulated online. The medication in question was Symdeko (tezacaftor/ivacaftor). I saw that the article was being shared among my many friends with cystic fibrosis (CF) and within…

Sorry Not Sorry That I’m Sick

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being sorry. Do you ever feel like all you do is apologize? It’s what I do best, and for that, I’m sorry. My friend Maria said something the other day that stopped me in my tracks: “Disabled and chronically ill people don’t need to…