Columns

Fear of Abandonment Has Driven My Life into the Ground

Six months ago, if I had been tied to a very uncomfortable chair and tortured for weeks while interrogators screamed, “What is your greatest fear?” the only things I could have come up with would have been maybe … centipedes. Or dying in a hospital bed. Or maybe that the…

Starting Trikafta with Hope for the CF Community

I’m writing this column on the day I start treatment with Trikafta (elexacaftor/tezacaftor/ivacaftor), a new cystic fibrosis (CF) medication that I believe will be regarded as an inflection point in CF history. If you’re involved in the CF community or have been on social media in recent weeks,…

Inspiration for Hire: Sick Candidates Only

At this time last week, I was crying. I was crying because I didn’t “want to let them down.” The potentially disappointed party in question was a new company within my professional dance company, aptly titled “Comebacks.” Initially, I wanted Comebacks to be the ultimate “comeback” for former…

What to Do When Everyone Dies

Two of my friends are dead. And I’m scared. Recently, I lost two friends on the same day. One was in love with a dear friend of mine — he has a milder form of cystic fibrosis, and they successfully loved and lived for years. The other I texted nearly…

The Present Realizes the Past Through Travel

In my senior year of college, I wanted to be just like Dad. He’s a courageous traveler who has filled many passports and has eaten all sorts of weird foods. The problem was that traveling kind of scared me. No, it really scared me. It seemed like every plane…

Giving My Anxiety a Name

Lung function — typically measured by forced expiratory volume in the first second (FEV1) — is the boogeyman for people with cystic fibrosis (CF). Whether it’s our lung function, our weight, our BMI, our liver levels, or our glucose levels, our lives are an assemblage of numbers, values, qualifiers,…