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  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    January 25, 2024 at 2:41 pm in reply to: Vent session: my frustrations with lung pain

    In my experience, focused chest pain has always been an indicator of mucus blockage, infection, and ultimately, hemoptysis. I believe the conditions in my lungs impact the pleura and the result is pain sensation. I ran this by my CF doc and he agreed this could quite possibly be the mechanism that causes the “lung” pain.

    Regardless of the exactness of this conclusion, the reality exists that when I experience pain in my “lungs” I must take action if I hope to avoid a hemoptysis episode. Agressive airway clearance oftentimes helps. If that does not do the trick then I reach for oral antibiotics. If that does not work then I usualy experience hemoptysis.

    I have noticed a slight reduction in instances of chest pain since starting Trikafta. However, I still have sputum production (albeit at a reduced level) so it is possible that my mutations/lungs react to Trikafta differently than yours.

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    September 7, 2023 at 2:40 pm in reply to: Dating and relationships: When do you mention CF?

    Jenny,

    Good to hear from you again.  Hope all  is well.

    I wanted to respond to this  one with my history.  I was diagnosed with CF at 34 years age.  By 36, I was divorced.  I never used a dating app (way to techy for me).  Instead, I met someone while taking an evening class at the University.  She sat by me one day in class (total shock because, well, she was a beautiful woman).  After 2 quarters sitting together and talking after class, I asked her out  for coffee.  On this first date, I downloaded all  the negative stuff I  could think of regarding my CF life.  I wanted to  give her  the worst case scenario.  If she was still interested after that, I  would be happy to continue developing a relationship.  We dated for a few  more years and she saw first hand what I had warned her about.

    We just celebrated our  28th anniversary.

    It could have gone either way but sometimes things do work out for the best.

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    July 12, 2023 at 2:46 pm in reply to: CF, Depression and Anxiety

    William,

    I agree  that the  medicines  we  take to combat  CF impact on our mental and emotional well-being.  For that reason,  we  need to remain vigilent to  those potentialities and get  help when they present in our daily lives.  My early warning system is my wife.  She is the front line  worker in  my world.

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    July 11, 2023 at 4:53 pm in reply to: CF, Depression and Anxiety

    I don’t know about intracellular electrolytes but I do know this.

    In my lifetime,  I’ve experienced many events that left me traumatized.  Nothing, however, compares to the trauma I experienced the first time I was slammed in the face by cystic fibrosis.

    You see, I knew about my hemoptysis long before I knew I had CF.  I met hemostasis up close and personal in North Africa.  I was a military attache working from the US Embassy at Khartoum, Sudan when it all came down.  When I arrived in Sudan I  was an elite army intelligence officer  at the top of my field.

    When I left Sudan 14 months later, I was ravaged by raging fever, massive weight loss, and horrific hemoptysis.  Desperate medical air evacuation to Landstuhl Germany.  More fever, more weight loss, more horrific hemoptysis.  Using up my personal supply of emergency plasma.  Completely exhausted and starting to fade away.  No one can figure out why this is happening.  Maybe it’s Aids, maybe it’s some rare African disease, maybe  its TB…  Regardless of my efforts, I was unable to pull myself out of this nosedive into oblivion.  Complete loss of control of the situation, my environment, my future…  I knew this was the end.  I would not die a heroic death.  I would fade away to nothing in a hospital bed in Germany.

    After a lucky and serendipitous long shot treatment that included Cipro for suspected TB (turns out  this was the silver bullete for my old friend pseudomonas aeruginosa), I began to inch back toward life.  It took half a year to be able walk up a flight of stairs without stopping half-way for breath.  I worked on my physical conditioning but I’m never going to be the same.  I lost my job because we just can’t have someone stationed on the frontier who might bleed out from his lungs.  34 years old and my entire life was upended.  6 months after I was medivaced to Germany a long shot sweat-chloride test revealed the real culprit.

    So, it is no surprise that I ended up in ward 54 at Walter Reed Army Medical Center.  As Mel Brooks liked to call it, “a home for the very, very nervous”.  That was my  home and it was horrifying.  I was way more than nervous.  I was emotionally and mentally spent.  I had faced down all sorts of dangerous situations in my lifetime and survived relatively unscathed due to my “skill, resourcefulness and will-power”.  But, in the end, I was betrayed by my own body and this betrayal was devastating.  I could not coexist with this frailty.

    It took several months of in-patient care and 3 months of out-patient therapy for me to start to forgive myself for my “weakness”.  I was able to stabilize with the help of Xanax and a good therapist, but I was never the same.  I lost my illusions of control, and I worked to accept my humanity and my frailty.  After a couple of years, I was only slightly troubled rather than a raging lunatic.

    It has been a long walk back to balance.  But I’ve been emotionally rebuilding for the past 33 years (yep, I’m  about to hit 67 years).  And  everyday I fight the pull of depression.  Every morning I remind myself that this day is a gift.  A bonus.  And I try  to live each day with that thought.

     

  • Hemoptysis.  Brought on by a lung  infection that just won’t die with oral antibiotics.  Usually, the hemoptysis is of a magnatude that I can’t put it off any longer.  At that point I’m told to go the ER and get inprocessed so  they can monitor and, ultimately, insert a PIIC line for IV antibiotics.  It is usually a 4 day stay in the hospital at which point I can go home an self administer the remaining IV treatment with Tobi/Ceftaz/etc.  The  whole ER drill is brutal.  I was able  to schedule the last PIIC insertion without the ER route and it was so much better.  Plus, I did not have to stay in a hospital bed to monitor since I’ve taken Tobi/Cetaz so often.

    BTW.  I am 66 years old.  I take Symdeko now.  I’m hoping to get approved for Trikafta  but I also have a rare genotype (G542X/2798+5G/A) so that might not  happen for a while.

     

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    December 28, 2022 at 6:48 pm in reply to: Does getting older scare or delight you?

    I’m quite sure I will never retire in the classic sense.  I have always needed a mission to be happy and fulfilled.  Fortunately, the need in our world is great and opportunities abound for someone who is willing to lend a hand.  The main difference is I won’t need to be paid for my labor.  My new mission will truly become a labor of love.  I’m very excited to find this new place.

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    December 27, 2022 at 4:40 pm in reply to: End of year reflection

    So much to be thankful for.  Just a few highlights:

    In January, my beautiful mother passed.  After 95 years of vibrant life, I was by her bedside and was privileged to hold her hand as she slipped peacefully away.  During those moments, I felt her warm hand once again on my chest, calming my panic, and when she was finally gone her calmness remained with me.

    May 2022, our oldest daughter gifted us with healthy twin boys!  Both mom and twins are healthy and thriving.

    In August my wife and I celebrated 28 years of marriage.  I still can’t believe my good fortune to have met such a wonderful person and to have that wonderful person choose to be my soulmate.

    In October, I reconnected with my estranged son.  We are building a new relationship and I am eternally thankful.

    In December, I decided to retire.  This means I will sell my companies and that will be the process of 2023.  I’m looking forward to what comes next.

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    December 27, 2022 at 4:14 pm in reply to: Does getting older scare or delight you?

    There was a time when I believed I would not see another day.  I was wonderfully  wrong.

    So each night before I go to sleep, I offer a prayer of thanks for the gift of another day.  I  believe that maintaining a grateful heart is critical to living a positive life.

    Regardless of the uncertainties, I  am ecstatic to grow older.

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    December 26, 2022 at 1:56 pm in reply to: A quick COVID check in

    Jenny, I know this response  is a bit  late but I  thought it might be interesting to  discuss how we are  navigating the whole  Covid world now.  This is my experience.

     

    I wear a mask whenever I feel the need.  I feel the need in the grocery store.  I feel the need in the movie theatre.  I feel the need in the restaurant (although that one is very tricky).  When I wear a mask, I could care less what anyone around me thinks.  I do this because I chose to do this.  That is enough reason.  I want to live my life but I want  to  do  it as responsibly  as  possible.

     

    No one in my family wears a mask anymore, including my wife.  As a result, I have become more physically distant from my family whenever we are in a closed environment.  It is a sacrifice (and very tricky when it comes to my wife), but I feel I have no choice if I am to be responsible with my health.  This is a challenge.  But we work on it.  I must live my life and they must live theirs.  The trick is to bridge the difference and hold on to our relationships.

     

    At first, I was a bit nonplussed at the non-mask wearing because everyone knows that my lungs are suspect at best.  They also know that if they are infected then they could infect me.  This fact does not carry the day.  They have become desensitized to Covid and regard it as no different than the flu or cold bugs.  And they might be right.  I’m not immunocompromised and I am vaccinated and boosted (like everyone in my family).  In fact, I am the only member of my family who has not tested positive for Covid.  They look at the odds of survival and they see me as resilient enough to withstand any possible infection.  It all adds up to one conclusion if you weigh the risk versus benefit of wearing a mask.

     

    The reality is that people must live life, not just exist.  My grandchildren must grow with less fear in their lives.  Masks have done a lot of damage to children, and they need to be free to develop without the constant concern of Covid.   So, this is our new reality.  I accept it and I move on.  But I move on my way.

     

     

     

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    October 18, 2022 at 5:22 pm in reply to: Dealing with Feelings of Survivor’s Guilt?

    Laura Lee,
    I can so relate to your feelings. I was diagnosed with CF in my mid-30s. While my initial experience with CF was frightening and life-threatening, I survived that initial crisis. Yes, I had to change my lifestyle with the CF diagnosis, and I have had brushes with lung infections and hemoptysis over the years but, aside from that, I’ve lived a relatively productive and unencumbered life.

    It was my own experience with CF that made me avoid at all costs any other people with CF. I was deeply grateful that my experience was “minimal” but felt as though I did not deserve to live so freely when others seemed to suffer so much more. I felt unworthy to share the airspace of CF with others.

    My partner finally convinced me to join this forum and contribute by sharing some of my story and experience. She wisely saw that my avoidance of other people with CF was a demonstration of my avoidance of dealing directly with the realities of CF in my life.

    By opening myself to these discussions and reading the accounts from my fellow forum members, I have become more comfortable with my CF diagnosis. I am no longer so reticent to let people know about my CF diagnosis and the realities it has on my health. I am more at ease with CF.

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    September 22, 2022 at 2:56 pm in reply to: Aging and CF

    Growing up, I was “the sickly child”.  I was the youngest son packaged between 2 older sisters and 2 younger sisters.  I was always experiencing some sort of fever, cold, sniffle, flu, bronchitis, asthma, pneumonia…we did not know it was CF.  Through it all I soldiered on.  I played the trumpet in high school.  I excelled in football, basketball, and tennis.  I ran track (sprints mostly).  I was an avid outdoorsman.   I backpacked at 14,000 feet in the Rocky Mountains.  I scuba dived to 100 feet in the Red Sea.  As an adult, I became an elite soldier.

    But a series of events conspired to change my life:

    For the previous 7 years before my CF crisis, I lived and worked as a military attache in the following cities/countries:  Mexico City, Mexico (3 years), Beijing, China (2 years), Khartoum, Sudan (1.5 years).  The common denominator for these countries is they all have horrible air quality/pollution.  I believe the cumulative effect of living in these countries led me to a CF diagnosis.

    Khartoum was my Waterloo.  It is situated in the heart of the sub-Saharan desert and often experiences massive “haboobs” or dust storms that literally turn day to night.  Breathing in this cloud of dust was like taking sandpaper to my lungs.  It was in Khartoum that I fell off the edge and plunged into crisis.  Raging fevers, precipitous loss of weight, and massive bleeding.  The upper-right lobe of my lung had a massive hole and blood was pouring out of it.   I was medically air evacuated to Germany by the embassy in Khartoum.  The hemotysis was horrific.  I was bleeding to death.   I could feel myself slipping away into a strange ether.  The military flew my parents from Alaska to Germany so they could say good-by before I died.   In desperation, they thought it might be TB and gave me all the synthetic antibiotics available.  Fortunately, one of these antibiotics was Cipro.  It literally pulled me back from brink of dealth.  It saved my life as we realized later that my lungs were being ravaged by Pseudomonis A.

    That  is my story.  I know there are many others who have been diagnosed with CF in their later years and I often wonder how long I could have gone without the diagnosis had I not lived in those 3 countries.  I  might have just been “a sickly adult” all these years.

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    September 20, 2022 at 4:11 pm in reply to: Aging and CF

    At age 34, I was diagnosed with CF.  For the previous 12 months I had fought a losing battle against lung infections that left me emaciated, struggling with fevers and experiencing repeated and severe hemoptysis.  Up to this point, I had seemed like a relatively healthy person.  So, I was shocked to learn the CF diagnosis and asked the doctors what it meant.  They said they had no real predictions except “CF will likely kill you”.

    I did not handle this news very well and fell into a serious depression.  My previous life was over.  After 14 years of service, the military medically discharged me.  I had to find a new vocation.  I needed a new mission.  I emerged from these dark days with a new mantra.  I determined to live each day as if it were my last, but I would plan as though I could live for years.  And I would be grateful for each day that I drew breath.

    I am 66 years old now and still doing relatively well.  I continue to fight lung infections and hemoptysis, but these struggles are minor compared to 30 years ago as a result of the preventative measures employed by the CF Clinic at the University of Washington Medical Center.  I have grudgingly given up lung function over the years.  Recently, CFTR modulators have proven helpful, so I seem to be in a holding pattern regarding lung degradation.  CF only really impacts my lungs so I’m not fighting other CF related issues.  I realize I’m fortunate, and I am thankful for the life I am living.

    As for the future, I am about to retire from what I call my “second life”.  My children are all grown and have children of their own.  My wife and I are ready to enjoy our retirement years.  We are in a good position financially (mostly due to the “plan to live for years” part of that mantra).

    At 34, I had no idea what the rest of my life would be.  Today, I still have no idea what the future will bring.  I only know that I’m thankful for every moment I have.

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    June 23, 2022 at 3:12 pm in reply to: Hemopytsis, hormones, and life

    Luisa.  You sound like a younger me because, if not for hemoptysis, I would hardly know I have cystic fibrosis.  Do I have PTSD as a result of the many episode of hemoptysis I’ve experienced over the years?  Probably, yes.

    I do my best to prevent CF from dominating my world.  It mostly hovers like a malevolent shadow, a lingering cloud in my sunny sky.  Periodically, it steps out of obscurity and slaps me silly — reminding me that it could all change regardless of what I do to control the situation.  As a matter of course, I work hard to ignore this steady drumming in my head.  Sometimes, I even pretend it does not exist.

    To illistrate, this happened 3 years ago.

    A Sunday night outing.  It was a slightly chilly Seattle evening.  I went to the movies with my son Adrian.  We saw Black Panther.  Very enjoyable movie.  Popcorn, soda, and junior mints — just ideal.  It felt like everything in life was right.  Just enjoying a carefree evening with my son.  I felt good.  No, I felt on top of the world!

    We stepped out onto the sidewalk and into the bustling Seattle night.  We walked about ½ block.  I took a deep breath of crisp fall air.  Immediately, my chest filled with blood.  Trying not to vomit blood onto the sidewalk I stumbled to the car.  I told my son to drive to the nearest emergency room.  I’m bleeding all over the inside of the car.  Stark raving terror.  Will the bleeding stop this time?

    My son, to his credit, does not freak out.  He has spent the past 28 years watching me survive these episodes.  He just drives to the emergency room and tells me to hold steady.

    Maybe you know the rest.  Community clinic emergency room – no one really knows how to deal with this.  All the blood is unsettling…   Feeling a little lightheaded due to the blood loss.   Also, experiencing that familiar bizarre sense of euphoria that follows whenever I’ve lost a lot of blood quickly.  Soon, the bleeding slows from a flood to a trickle.  Just coughing up old blood, remaining as inert as possible, and hoping for stability.  6 hours later, I am transferred to the University of Washington Hospital emergency room.  This is the hospital where my Cystic Fibrosis doctors hang out.  It is the weekend, so I get the pulmonary physician on call.  He knows my primary CF doctor.  I tell him the story.  I need oral anti-biotics now.  I need a PICC line tomorrow.  I need IV antibiotics stat!  Chest x rays are going to reveal…you get the idea.  To his credit, he listens, takes most of my advice, and orders it up.

    1 week later, I am at home with a PICC line infusing 2 heavy duty antibiotics.  3 months later, I feel good again.  I almost forget about that pesky humming in the background.  Except we are now talking about lung transplant–again.  The humming gets a little bit louder.

    I did not know I had CF until age 34.  I am now 66.  For the past 30 years, I have charted my lung function to try to predict the future.  It was looking grim until Kalydeco came along 14 months ago.  My prognosis got a major reset.  Now, I am working on a new timeline.  Not sure how realistic this is.  My wife observes that I could get hit by a Mack truck tomorrow and then this CF angst means nothing.  Except, CF is the very real bird in my hand and the Mack truck is, well, a potentiality not a probability.

    This is my experience with CF.  Me and my shadow Mr.  Hemoptysis.  In between these moments of stark raving terror, I feel almost normal.  Almost.

  • As I see it, this entire discussion reduces down to personal responsibility for the choices we make.  If you fear a vaccine more than you fear being rejected for organ transplant that is your choice.  And the consequences of your choice are your responsibility.  The shortage of organs from doners when compared to the demand by dying people makes it imperative that the organs that are transplanted are given to those with the best chance of survival.  75% of the people in ICU that die of Covid are unvaccinated.

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    August 24, 2021 at 3:46 pm in reply to: Biopic of Your Life: Who Would YOU Be?

    Peter Sellers as “Chance the Gardener” directed by Hal Ashby.

     

    CF would not be the central part of my story.  It is not the reveal.  The reveal is how fickle life can be and how tied we are to random encounters with time and place and other people.  These encounters can make us soar or they can make us crash regardless of how we try to control the outcome.

     

    This is not a dark place.  This is a place of peace.  Be a good person.  Do your best.  Leave the rest to the fates.

     

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    June 19, 2021 at 11:26 am in reply to: Medical gaslighting

    As much as I respect the medical profession, I do not worship at its feet.  Like most CF patients, I do my best to know my disease and how it impacts my health.  I advocate for myself.  If a doctor is unable to handle my micro-management then I find a new doctor.  Fortunately,  I live in Seattle and we have a major CF clinic at the University of Washington.  I’ve been seen at the same CF clinic for the past 35 years.  My GP consults with my primary CF doctor for my care.  I could not have a better situation and I’m very thankful for that.

     

    I have been in a hospital where they had no idea what was wrong with me.  while in the depths of a full on CF crisis (before diagnosis) a nurse in Germany even suggested that, since I had been living in Africa, I might have AIDS.  I replied that was not possible unless there was a new way to contact AIDS.

     

    I am militant now with regard to my regular medical care.  I apply the same technique that I use for the CF side.  Educate and advocate.  My theory is that the loudest voice usually gets the attention because it is so annoying 🙂  In these situations, I may not be particularly liked but I am listened to…

     

     

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    June 19, 2021 at 11:10 am in reply to: CF carrier symptoms?

    CF is such a broad spectrum.  I believe it has a massive footprint that that is still relatively unknown.  I’m lucky, it mostly impacts my lungs.  I seem relatively OK with the rest of my organs.  In fact, I’m pretty much a healthy person outside the FEV issue.

     

    I come from a large family.  I have 6 siblings and I am the only child with known active CF.  I was not diagnosed with CF until I was in my late-30s.  Over the previous 7 years before my diagnosis, I had lived and worked in the following cities/countries:  Mexico City, Mexico (3 years), Beijing, China (2 years), Khartoum, Sudan (1.5 years).  The common denominator for these countries is they all have horrible air quality/pollution.

     

    Mexico City is in the belly of an extinct volcano crater.  A constant pressure layer pushes everything to the ground.  The smog (mostly automobile exhaust and some industrial pollution), airborne dust, and airborne fecal matter (sorry to be gross) was so bad we could not see the sun until we drove out of the crater.  Then, it was brilliant sunshine and crystal blue sky.

     

    Beijing was a city shrouded in exhaust fumes and other air pollutants.  Remember the Olympics?  Burning soft coal was persistent during the winter/fall and particulate matter was pervasive in the air.  It was in Beijing that I first started to experience minor and sporadic bleeding.  I just thought it was sinus or something like that.  I also started to notice a slight oxygen deprivation sensation (something very new and mysterious to me at the time).

     

    Khartoum is in the heart of the sub-Saharan desert and often experiences massive “haboobs” or dust storms that literally turned day to night.  Breathing in this cloud of sand was like taking sandpaper to my lungs.  In fact, it was in Khartoum that I fell off the edge and plunged into massive hemoptysis for the first time.  Raging fever, precipitous loss of weight, and massive bleeding.  It was so bad I was air evacuated to Germany for intensive care.  I was dying.  My parents flew from Alaska to say good-by.  The upper-right lobe of my lung had a massive hole and blood was pouring out of it.  They thought it might be TB and gave me all the synthetic antibiotics available.  Fortunately, one of these antibiotics was Cipro.  It literally saved my life.

     

    It was only after I stabilized from this crisis and, 2 years later, started to experience the same symptoms that they look deeper and discovered I had CF.

     

    I strongly feel that, had I not lived in these 3 cities, I might quite possibly STILL not know I have CF.   I wonder how many people there are out there like me.  They live in clean environments.  They don’t subject their lungs to a massive assault year in and year out.   They live unknowingly with CF…

     

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    June 19, 2021 at 10:26 am in reply to: I’m Stressed…. CDs? Albums?

    When I need to destress, I almost exclusively go to soothing sound tracks on my Pandora app.  I especially love Budda Bar, Karunesh Radio, Pat Metheny Group, Liquid Mind, Anugama Radio, Global Chill Radio (the list goes on but I’ll stop).

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    May 31, 2021 at 7:43 pm in reply to: Life after vaccine… what are your thoughts?

    The looks I used to get during my CF clinic visits when I wore my N95 mask.  The freight I used to sense from the general public when I wore that mask outside the clinic.

     

    Post-covid it’s a different story.

     

    I’m comfortable with social distancing and mask wearing.  I’ve practiced this as much as possible for many years.  Covid just legitimized an existing desire to protect myself from the greater human environment and still live in the world.  When Covid broke I wore the mask to protect myself and to protect others from my potentiality.  For an entire year, whenever possible, I stayed home.  I wore a mask and was considered either brilliant or inane by the world at large.  But I was NOT looked at as a menace to society.  It was Covid we were talking about not some hidden disease.

     

    Fortunately, my partner and children have all been vaccinated.  My grandchildren (all under 8 years old) practice social distancing and they wear a mask in public whenever indoors.  This is their culture now.  In response to Covid, we controlled our little world with a family agreement.  Because of this, we feel relatively safe when we are together.  We will continue this way to a great extent until we feel society has reach an acceptable level of risk.

     

    Lest you think I’m some sort of introvert let me put that to rest.  I’m as outgoing as the next person.  I can speak in public with ease.  I like to express my opinions (for what they are worth).  I don’t mind being a little showy.

     

    Social distance and wearing a mask have nothing to with my social self.  This is my desire to control the air I breath and the environment I live in, and I don’t intend to change.  For the uncontrolled environment I’ll follow these rules:  indoors — mask up and keep my distance; and, outdoors, watch the environment and if it gets too uncomfortable, well, on will go the mask.

     

    I do have to stop confronting the unmasked and unvaccinated.  It is a waste of time and energy.  Their empty arguments have already been dropped in my discard pile.  You are what you choose.  Your judgment is rendered by your action.  You are a threat to others but by adopting my strategy you are not a threat to me.  You care only for yourself.  You have no sense of a greater human good.  I have already written most of you off to the dregs of the human condition.  Harsh but if it fits wear it.

     

    Social distancing and masks and vaccines are not novel to those us who live with CF.  This has been the most non-lethal flu season we have seen in a long while.   It is no mystery.  Wash your hands often (even though that is not so much a Covid thing), keep your distance, wear a mask in confined spaces.  It all adds up to better health and a safer environment for those of us to live with CF.

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    May 17, 2021 at 3:50 pm in reply to: I Am Sitting at a Coffee Shop….

    I know the dilemma. Just title this little ditty “Achilles meets Icarus”.

    My way of coping with the realities of CF in the workplace 26 years ago was to start my own business with the aim to create a more user-friendly work environment. I determined to be overt with all aspects of CF. As I hired employees, part of my interview process was “the CF talk”. I assured them my frequent huffing, puffing, and sputum production was not contagious. If that was problematic, I assured them another job opportunity existed somewhere else. It is normal for my employees to observe me at the office with a Tobi bomb tucked into my shirt pocket and a PICC line in my arm. If they are uncomfortable with CF, they hide it well. I do my best to control this environment.

    The downside of this arrangement is (pause for the obvious) I own a company…it is a 24/7 thing.

    True to my OCD personality (hello Achilles), I grew the company significantly in the first 10 years (good day to you, Icarus). We had offices all over the US and Canada and I had to keep up with them. I experienced too much air travel (a real challenge because it is pretty much impossible to normalize huffing, puffing and sputum with strangers on a plane), too much time in major cities with air quality issues, and I missed too many treatments due to the travel and meetings. As the company grew, I found myself failing physically. The company was successful, but I was not.

    One day I found myself in the emergency room due to a serious episode of hemoptysis (can you relate?). I was hooked up to all the usual medical devices. At the same time, I was constantly on the phone dealing with several pressing company issues. I was still coughing frank blood, I had an elevated fever, and sweat on my brow. I felt that familiar mental shift to a cloud. Not totally sharp. The IV kept getting in the way of the laptop. The nurses kept interrupting my phone calls. At the end of the day and after a “come to Jesus” conversation with my partner, Sandi, I finally admitted this was not sustainable.

    Upon arriving back home, I was reminded of the biblical discussion. “What does it profit a person if he/she gains the world but loses his/her soul”. (I know, that sounds extreme, but I was raised to be an extremist…). I considered the present situation (stress, lack of solid sleep, physical exhaustion, untreated infection due to inadequate preventative measures) with the desire for quality of life (longevity, growing older with my partner, potentially living to see grandchildren, etc). I also considered ego and the need to excel in everything regardless of consequence (though that tendency had served me well in some areas it had been utterly destructive in others). Ultimatly, I reached the obvious conclusion. I needed to reorganize my priorities–again.

    As mentioned above, I tend to extreme. As such, over the ensuing 6 months, I shut down all non-Seattle offices. I made it a point to prioritize my treatment routine. I substituted a 12-hour work day with 8 hour days. I targeted 10 hours sleep rather than 6. I stopped working on the weekend. And yes, the growth of my company was compromised because life is always a trade-off. However, I was still successful enough to raise the kids and live a good life and experience 4 grandchildren and enjoy have a loving relationship with my dream woman.

    By abandoning the race to the top, I was able to enjoy the priorities of my life. One of the best decisions I’ve made.

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    April 27, 2021 at 2:21 pm in reply to: “Courage Animals”: Which Are Yours?

    Thank you for your kind commments.

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    April 25, 2021 at 12:41 pm in reply to: Sunday Morning (8)

    This morning, like every morning, I was awakened by the stiletto paws of our cat Jaxx. He is a big boy, so when he stands on my stomach and speaks with his “feed me Seymour” meow, he cannot be ignored. Next to Jaxx is his sidekick, Marvin. Marv is also a big boy. However, his morning technique is to wail like a banshee while gently touching my exposed arm with just the hint of a paw/claw.

    I love these guys but when these two guys start their tag team action, it is time to rise and shine…ready or not.

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    April 25, 2021 at 11:49 am in reply to: “Courage Animals”: Which Are Yours?

    Spirit animals are integral to my personal view of the world. Many people may write this off as fantastical and, possibly, delusional thinking. And they might be right. But, for me, the natural world and the spiritual world have merged into one world since childhood.
    I believe that I do not have a specific spirit animal. However, I know that I have communed with many animals over the years. I remember the owl that landed on the spruce bow outside my bedroom window and shared several minutes with me during a very trying time in my life. I remember the deer I stalked in the forest as a young man who locked eyes with me in a silent moment of decision…and I did not shoot. I remember the hummingbird that hovered 6 inches from my face for a full minute looking into my eyes (hummingbirds are especially prone to do this). As a 14-year-old, I remember the black bear that I met on the bend of a trail. 3 feet apart, I took in his rank odor and I could hear him breathing deeply and tasting the air searching for my scent. In silence, we stared into each other’s eyes (not a recommended thing to do with another carnivore in most cases). After several minutes he had enough and lumbered into the forest. I remained standing, somehow a little different for the encounter. These are a few examples from my lifetime (and I do have more examples). These exchanges between the animal world and the human world are the closest I have come to meeting a spirit animal. I was nourished by each encounter even though I could not articulate to you one conscious thought from the exchange. I came away from those encounters feeling serene and peaceful and, I believe, more fulfilled as a member of the natural world.
    I was raised in an extremely “spiritual” family (in the religious sense of the word). My father, who passed a few years back, was a Pentecostal preacher. He was also a logger (that is how he paid for his preacher lifestyle). He was an outdoorsman (that was one of the ways he fed his family). Certainly, he was not a mega-church pastor. My father loved the natural world. He could name the various flora and fauna as we hiked through the forest. He could identify the bird chirping unseen in the trees above. He knew the habits of deer, mountain goat, bear, and wolf. My father never entered the forest or hiked a mountain without marveling at the grandeur of God’s creation. I followed my father like a faithful disciple, and I soaked up his knowledge and lore. In turn, I too became a proficient outdoorsman. My faith and the natural world were inextricably intertwined. I could not say where one ends and the other begins.
    Despite his influence on my development as a child, my father and I always parted ways vis-a-vis the relationship between the natural world and humankind. He believed that we were charged by God to care for the earth and earth’s creatures. The natural world, in turn, existed to serve mankind. He measured his physical life by his ability to dominate the natural world and mold its development.
    Conversely, I believed that the Creator placed man on this earth to co-exist with nature and to live in harmony with the greater environment. In my opinion, mankind broke from that design and the world we know evolved away from harmony. I felt (and feel) that human beings need to find a pathway back to harmony and co-existence with the natural world. In so doing we find our true purpose. I became less of a religious person and more of a transcendentalist.
    Again, I know this sounds lofty, esoteric, and simplistic. This world is universally harsh and seemingly callous to the suffering of its inhabitants. I have witnessed this suffering firsthand during my years in the developing world as well as here in my own country. We see so much strife and so much heartache. It almost seems too much to bear. We feel the pull of despair. But in these times of darkness, I think we need to look for the light. It exists everywhere. Kindness, self-sacrifice, generosity, benevolence – these too are traits of humankind. I believe our encounters with animals can be spiritual. It can help elevate our perceptions so that we see what is peaceful and serene in midst of our chaos, strife, and suffering.

  • Timothy Bransford

    Member
    April 21, 2021 at 9:58 am in reply to: Face Off: “Water, Fire, Air and Earth”

    Snow and mountains, or sand and sun… Fact is, I must have it all.

    I spent my childhood on a small island in SE Alaska on the edge of The Misty Fjords. Pacific Ocean on one side, mountains rising in the back yard. Salmon, eagle, bear, raven, deer, ptarmigan, ancient cedars, towering sitka spruce, moss, muskeg…this was my playground. However, I wanted to see the outside world so in 1976 I left my home and enrolled at university in Seattle.

    After university, I worked as a U.S. diplomat living and working in foreign countries. I was intrigued by the developing world and those were the countries I chose to work in. Unfortunately, they were also extremely polluted environments (airborne soft coal/dust storms/fecal matter/etc) and this had a dibilitating impact on my lung quality.

    At 33, I was medivaced from north africa with what was assumed to be be severe tuberculosis. Massive hemoptosis, raging fever, freightening weight loss. Although unable to culture TB because all I produced was blood, I managed to survived that situation with the serendipitous intervention of cipro (one of the 4 meds I was given for the suspected TB infection). My second medivac was 3 years later from Nicaragua. Same symptoms. Upon arrival at Walter Reed Medical Center it was pretty obvious that TB was not the problem. Thereafter, a long shot sweat chloride test confirmed that my issues were, in fact, CF related…my foreign service career was over.

    Time to forge a new path. Alaska was out because I needed a CF center nearby. So, I looked at all the options and chose Seattle. It has been my home since. Why?

    Every day I breath the cleansing air of the vibrant puget sound. Across the sound I waits the Olympic rain forest and her snow capped mountaintops. To the north of this temperate rain forest awaits the tangle of the San Juan Islands. To the south I see the magestic Mount Rainier. To the north rises her snow capped sister Mount Baker. 45 miles to the east I am embraced by the Cascade mountains. Over those mountain passes I drop into the high desert sage and sand of Eastern Washington.

    Drive 1 hour in any direction and I commune with one of the many forms of mother earth. And my soul and spirit are nourished by her. I live the moments of my life here. The past informs me but the present sustains me. The future? Well, why worry when you can be happy.

    The ramblings of a 65 year old CFer.

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