Victorious - a Column by Brad Dell

hope, funeral, social, ableism, funeralBrad Dell is a Deaf 27-year-old with cystic fibrosis. He received a double-lung transplant from UC San Francisco in January 2017, then cochlear implants nine months later. He now lives in Hawaii, where he was raised. Usually he's traveling the world, chugging coffee, mentoring college students, or studying theology. Otherwise, he's working as the director of columns at BioNews, the publisher of CF News Today. (OK, he's still drinking coffee while he works.) He writes to undo the taboo surrounding lung transplantation. Catch him on Instagram at @coffee.cats_

How I Failed to Cheat Death

When feeling hurt or sad, I find my escape in rereading the books of my youth. They divert my mind from my woes and remind me that at least I’m not facing Voldemort or a clandestine agency bent on pulverizing civilizations. While scanning for a read in my e-book library,…

Finding Fate in the Fallout

In my last column, I described how nearly dying made me a better person. That might imply that I flipped a brain switch to become a more rad version of Brad overnight, but that’s not how it happened. During my lung transplant journey, I strived to better my character,…

How Dying Taught Me to Live

His little ribs rose, then fell, then rose, then fell, then stayed still. The spark left his green, curious eyes — I swear it wasn’t a trick of the light. They were dull … dead. I loathed myself for letting my first cat be put to sleep without me by…

Stuck Between Nostalgia and Reality

“I love the smell of napalm in the morning,” said Lt. Col. Bill Kilgore. He proceeded to describe bombing a hill, and how the resulting carnage “smelled like victory.” He then frowned and said sadly, “Someday this war’s gonna end.” Kilgore serves as the war addict archetype for the…

Maybe I’m Not Fine. Are You?

I’ve been bored during my six weeks of isolation. But sometimes boring is a synonym for peaceful. Yes, it’s been a peaceful time of silence and introspection. For example, in all my sitting around, I realized something really cool: I’m an amazing liar! I’m so good at it that sometimes…

Some Calm Thoughts Amid the COVID-19 Pandemic Pandemonium

A surreal winter, huh? Pandemic pandemonium. Over and over. “I can’t believe we even have to think about this stuff. COVID-19 is like fiction.” It’s real. I write this during week three of self-isolation. I ain’t scared for myself. This isn’t the first time I’ve defended against “biowarfare.” My…

The Cure List: Dreams Achieved and Dreams to Come

I’m always promising people I’ll write a memoir … at some point. Once, I got 46,853 words deep before realizing that my writing style had evolved enough that, “Mmm, that draft is trash.” Recently, I gave it another jab. I leave my writing raw, still bleeding and unfiltered to depict…

It’s Time to Live Slowly

I haven’t tasted much energy over the past month. Thanks to steroid withdrawal, I spend most of my time near home. It’s not all that bad, honestly, to sit around and do nothing. “Doing nothing” can be productive. I didn’t always feel that. Back in my pre-transplant days, I…

Side Effects Leave Me Salvaging Social Shards

Since August, I’ve been irritable, in hermit mode (distressing for an extrovert!), a little depressed and unfulfilled, and having difficulty sleeping. Plus, I’ve been urinating about seven times nightly, which sounds funny but is a special kind of torture. Leading up to 2020, people shared diaries on Reddit tracking…

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